Sabotage PR: Public Relations and Marketing Solutions

Archive for the ‘Promotions / Strategies’ Category

iPhone 5

In Promotions / Strategies on September 22, 2012 at 10:54

Apologies for our long absence. We’ve been very busy camping out for the iPhone 5 for a month! We wanted to be the first to grab the latest innovative sensation from Apple. Giving up work, home life, friends and family just to set up base camp for the long awaited release was tough. Unfortunately, we learned it is impossible to afford the life of an Apple consumer and weren’t able to purchase this new phenomenon. All that time wasted resulting in broken hearts. Some of us can’t afford an iPhone with a lousy salary and expensive New York pad complete with marble lion statue entrance and Saks Fifth Avenue linens. Some of us failed the credit, blood, and fingerprint background checks. Who knew our editor had a criminal record of unpaid parking tickets?!

Let’s face it, we only wanted the iPhone 5 for bragging rights. Just to carry our precious phone around like a designer bag waiting to be complimented. Placing it on restaurant tables so people can stare at it while eating. Pretending to constantly text our friends while actually playing silly games. Constantly snapping Instagram photos like of your friends without iPhones, then posting to Facebook. It’s not fair! Even the homeless man begging in the subway has the iPhone 4, and with a few more rides he can upgrade to the 5.

Because we aren’t rich and cool, we’ve teamed up with Vodarizon to help introduce the Coconut 2012 version 1. It’s basically two cups attached with string. Not just any cups but cups designed by Crate and Barrel! Something your iPhone can’t do is convert into your morning coffee. And soon with the release of Coconut version 2, you will be wowed by the choice of color cups and silk woven rope.

Line up for the Coconut 2012 today! (It’s not a long wait, like two people. )

Birth Control Solution

In Promotions / Strategies on August 18, 2012 at 15:23

There are several options on the market for women when it comes to birth control. But Having No Sex is proven to be the most effective product out there and is 100% reliable. Having No Sex is not always a preferred choice by ladies and is sometimes forced by the situation i.e bad luck, but non-the-less, baby and even STD proof! Having No Sex is a large box of chocolates with 28 pieces representing the cycle: 21 milk chocolate  and 7 dark chocolate for period days. This method is aimed at satisfying ladies when they simply aren’t getting any. Chocolate releases the same endorphins as sex (yeah right) and therefore a yummy alternative to engaging in sexual activity.

You must consult your doctor before choosing this particular method of birth control, and check whether your insurance company will cover the costs. It is strongly advised not to fall behind or suddenly gorge on more than one chocolate at a time.

Having No Sex should not be used if you are easily horny and drunk, as this can counteract the effects of this method. HNS is not for ladies who like to wear short skirts, bar hop, or read Fifty Shades of Grey. Do not take HNS while operating heavy machinery including vibrators and electric toys. Risks include severe desperation.

Ask your doctor today about Having No Sex!

Victoria shares her secret with London

In Promotions / Strategies on August 3, 2012 at 13:36

Soon American lingerie giant Victoria’s Secret will open its door to their newest location on London’s Bond Street. It’s already caused some discomfort with the surrounding stores, like a nasty wedgie. We’re being reminded of the opening of Abercrombie on Savile Row. Poor Savil Row, once reserved for very exclusive tailored suits now tainted with shirtless models and tacky teenagers queuing up.

Bond Street used to be an exclusive street for luxury fashion and jewels but now there is a place to get your diamante thongs and nipple covers. The location is questionable and better suited for Regent’s Street where thousands of tourists roam about in search of brands; brands they could probably buy in their own village like Gap. But hey, a Gap shirt from London is very different than a Gap shirt from Larry’s Outlet Mall in Kansas.

You know who will really like Victoria’s Secret? CHAVS!!! Good luck London.

Obligational Messages & Greetings Inc

In Promotions / Strategies on June 21, 2012 at 14:23

We’re helping launch a new greeting card company. Words are powerful and it’s important you get the right message across. Obligational Messages & Greeting is not here to distract with fancy graphics and piles of glued on junk. That’s just a lazy way of saying I suck with words but doesn’t this expensive card look amazing?! OMG focuses on the true meaning of an event or situation to really make that impact. The purpose of a card is to show concern, care, excitement and because you’ll look like a bitch if you don’t.

Example of card messages:

Congrats on your wedding! Wishing you a beautiful beginning. Hope it doesn’t end in divorce.

Congrats on the baby! Now your life is over.

Happy Birthday. Now you can throw this card away.

Get well soon! Just remember what I said about Karma next time.

I didn’t get you a gift but I got you a card. You don’t want a gift anyways do you?

Happy Father’s Day! And thanks for the money for your card and gift.

Mother –  You gave me life, love, home, food, guidance. I gave you a folded piece of paper

 

 

Beauty is with thin

In Promotions / Strategies on June 12, 2012 at 11:49

Beauty  is with thin –  upset we didn’t come up with that phrase. Might have been a Samsung or Toshiba ad… can’t remember. Anyways, it’s true. Even your devices are having to diet just to appeal to you. Thin is definitely in. Here are the popular, and sexy, devices you must have. Note: these will not make you appear thin.

The Macbook Air: thin, ultra sexy, lightweight, may blow away in the wind.

The new Motorola Razr: much better than that other one.

Even your pocket size Swiss Army Knife is getting thin!

Some phone that is thin.

Whoops, that’s not supposed to be here.

Tourisma Creative Alliance – Summer 2012

In Promotions / Strategies on May 29, 2012 at 10:17

2012 will be a successful year for the TCA with major events this year including the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and the London 2012 Summer Olympics. They are hard at work making sure tourists have a delightful array of souvenirs to remember these special events. The collections this year won’t disappoint and again, will never fail to deliver on the tackiness and bad design and of course they are costly. You should never walk away from a major event in history without something to show you were a part of it.

Here are a few of the best souvenirs for this year. Not sure about the London Eye, Wenlock. It’s one of those situation where it’s so ugly that it’s sort of cute and you have to love it.

*Sorry about the formatting but that’s life

Luxury destinations

In Promotions / Strategies on May 4, 2012 at 06:00

The heat is nothing like you’ve ever experienced before. The air is dry and sticky. A Coca Cola is possible but only one tiny little cafe serves them and you’re not going to get any ice around here. Today’s activity is to search the village market for a better net for tonight’s sleep because the bugs are still a bother.

Wait this doesn’t sound like a luxury holiday. It’s not. It’s the Republic of Somalia which is an excellent destination for fashion shoots. It’s powerful and edgy: a $500 handbag and $2000 dress in the middle of a poverty stricken village of 500 nibbling on corn. You’ll pay a nice contribution to the folks for using the town and borrowing a baby. More importantly you’re bringing awareness that fashion is concerned and it’s cultural. A reader on the other side of the world will be touched to see stunning high quality photoshopped images taken in such emotional situations. While sipping her iced hazelnut coffee at the trendy Aroma Bar off Greene street she will be moved by these powerful images. Then she remembers a Zara on Broadway just two streets over that might have the same style handbag the Danish model is sporting. Why not stop into Louis Vuitton on the way and buy a nice travel piece, just like Angelina Jolie or Bono in those adverts taken in Africa. One handbag could feed a small town but the rich brown leather trunks will look amazing against the safari sunset.

Product placements in crime drama

In Promotions / Strategies on April 28, 2012 at 11:43

We are brand and label whores here at Sabotage. Mention something cool and popular and we’ll squeal with excitement. So when we hear cool brands being mentioned on our favorite television shows, like crime dramas listed in a previous post, we think marketing success! Product placement in a crime drama sounds risky for the brand image but a dead man wearing an Armani coat and Rolex watch isn’t going to harm. After watching an episode of Law&Order:SVU, we really wanted that snazzy Samsonite luggage spotted on the murderous criminal, but minus the dead girl stuffed inside. Crime shows have been an excellent boost of exposure for Craigslist. Everyone uses Craigs and it’s not bad but stay away from the casual section to avoid starring in your own crime drama.

Product placement in television drama is a great and natural way to promote a brand: natural because people use branded products in their daily lives. It’s a subtle advertisement appearing in the life of characters we enjoy watching as entertainment. When spotting a familiar label in a television show you can relate.

There are some laws or liability matters about product placement which you can probably look up on Wikipedia if you’re dying to know . For example, when American Idol played in the UK, the Coca Cola cups for the judges were blurred for legal reasons. Of course we all know what red and a blurry slash of white stands for. If certain names can’t be used, it’s easy to make up a reference close to what the audience can relate to: myFace or FacialBooks.

Sabotage can give your brand excellent exposure to the most popular and action packed dramas on the tube. If you want to make your Spring collection pink parka the hot pick of the season, we’ll call up our friends in the entertainment business. We will insist they place your brand on the most stylish of dead bodies. To enquire about this and our other PR & marketing services, simply call us today.

* sorry if phones are disconnected on purpose to avoid work

The PeoplesPR

In Promotions / Strategies on April 10, 2012 at 14:36

We work in association with PeoplesPR, an exclusive firm representing celebrities and politicians. This type of PR caters to select cliental who desire top notch representation, discretion, and bribery. These are often people who aren’t actually human, but require a public to believe in them.

Cliental profile

Celebrities, insane celebrities, D-list celebrities, Sports personalities:      

Known for outrageous behavior, horrible sense of personal style, ill-mannered, narcissistic, scandalous, and druggies

Politicians, CEOs, Representatives, Figure heads:

Holds responsibilities on a large scale sometimes in the interest of the public, ownership or management of large corporations or government positions, power and money orientated,  usually unattractive old men, often Conservative or Republican, can be druggies, known for scandals

Solution

PR is the ability to change the perception and turn these people into humans. Celebrities and politicians sacrifice a human existence for fame, power, credit, and money. Maintaining good public relations means that normal people will believe, sympathize, and applaud the sacrifice made. Celebrity PR can provide heart warming stories, a stylist and free clothes, charity collaborations, endorsements, counseling and lots and lots of magazines stories. PR for politicians also tell heart warming stories, compose apology speeches for scandals or cover-ups, are closely tied to media outlets, are very good at bribing, conduct extensive studies on gullible civilians and patrons, and also provide lots of charity.

PR is an effective tool in maintaining a good relationship with these ‘special people’ and its public. When certain behavior is deemed unorthodox, offensive, or extremely questionable, then PR steps in to remind the normal people that it’s okay and that these people actually do have brains and hearts. PR reminds us to forgive and forget.

Unfortunately PR can fall short, for example former US Senator John Edwards. Sometimes no matter the length there is no covering up a bad bad apple.

Above – beauty for ugly people

In Promotions / Strategies on April 6, 2012 at 20:05

Dove proudly promotes beauty for real women. Above is a range of body and beauty products for those with horrible personalities. Yes, even those type of people need a special range. These people with horrible personalities, such as nasty attitudes or narcissistic behavior, fail to realize how ugly they are. Not even a beautiful face can mask the true hideousness of such callous, cruel, and selfish qualities. The ignorance should not astound you and one should never waste time trying to open the eyes of these people.

Above is a dedicated line of products because although they won’t change, they can at least mask their horribleness with a beautiful scent of lavender or rose. This product will not wash away their ugliness or ugly faces. Instead it allows people around them to feel more  relaxed by the lovely natural aromas to reduce violent retaliation and keep the disease from spreading. The range includes: facial and body scrubs, body sprays, lotions (non-smoothing), extra strong deodorant for very stinky attitudes.

These also make ideal gifts for the people in your life:

Tyrant boss or superior

Nasty customers/clients

Bitchy colleague

Controlling girlfriend or partner